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When I lied to Congress
I was just the least untruthful

Mr. Clapper to avoid any future uneasiness,
Next time you appear before Congress,
I cannot bear to think you unprepared,
All of these excuses for you I have prepared:

If I insult you
I was just the least untactful

If I do not care about you
I was just the least unmindful

If I cheat on my wife
I was just the least unfaithful

If I was to steal
I was just the least unlawful

If I was to commit murder
I was just the least unmerciful

If I was to watch children pornography
I was just the least unmanful

If I was to rape
I was just trying even more to be the least unsinful

But in the end,
In open eyes of man’s judgment,
At the gates of God’s judgment,
Such excuses, you can’t pretend.
Excuses from the worst of man;
Excuses from the least of man.

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